it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
