I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
