I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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