So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
