I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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