i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
