It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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