Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
