yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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