we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
