My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
