I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
