Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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