angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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