She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
