Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
