its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
