My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
