Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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