yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
