what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
