Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
