so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
