Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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