You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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