My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
