sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
