Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
