The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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