An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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