I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Less talking, more tequila
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
