My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
