you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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