Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
