Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
