I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
