You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
