tell your sister to shave her snatch
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
