Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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