I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
