i just sent this text using only my big toe
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
