i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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