Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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