Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
