I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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