Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
