How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
