she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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