Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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