You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
