my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
