All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
