I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
