help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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