A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
