i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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