Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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