Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
