Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He has the fingertips of a God
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