are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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