You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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